Wickedly Rational or Spiteful (Cinde-really? Part 3)

Traditionally, fairy tales are short, fitting neatly into the brief time twixt bath and bed, where they induce nightmares about witches who eat children. In order to achieve this, fairy tales often dispense with time consuming things like character development, complex plot twists, and, you know, having things make sense. We do not need to know why the Evil Queen in Snow White is obsessed with being the “fairest of them all” (childhood beauty pageants?), we simply need to know that she is evil.

When one decides, however, to use a much beloved fairy tale to generate a cash cow, feature length film (BIPITI-BOPITI-BOO!) without having to bother with developing your own plot, one has an obligation to fill a few of those extra minutes with some depth of character.

After all, compelling villains are plausible villains. Good villains (er?) have a reason for villainy. They do not just enjoy being evil for the sake of being evil[1].

Which makes me wonder, why did the Wicked Stepmother choose to imprison Cinderella during The Great Slipper Test? Continue reading “Wickedly Rational or Spiteful (Cinde-really? Part 3)”

Damn you, Altered Carbon

I wanted to like you so much. You were supposed to be the best thing since Neuromancer.

Altered Carbon is a clever William Gibson/Raymond Chandler hybrid, with a brilliantly imagined future world, but this book suffers from the core flaw I find in nearly all of the sci-fi I’ve been reading lately: an amazing core idea is left barely developed. In the case of Altered Carbon, although the author struggled mightily, nothing in this book developed naturally: not the plot (excessively convoluted, contrived, and in the end unconvincing), not the characters (the characters, except for superficialities, are largely interchangeable, and there is no genuine psychological development), and certainly not the larger social and philosophical themes. A philosopher from the hero’s home planet is fequently quoted, but this philosopher is neither poetic nor profound. Altered Carbon is clearly inspired by The Big Sleep, but unlike Philip Marlowe, Takeshi Kovacs is not convincingly tormented by being a man of honor and conscience in a world without either. Kovacs is more like John McClane (or any other kick-ass John like John Rambo or John Connor, but we can at least give Morgan credit for not naming his character John Kovacs) than he is like Philip Marlowe, and, in spite of their unquestioned awesomeness, the main characters of Rambo and Die Hard would be completely out of place in hard-boiled noir. They work by blowing shit up, and so does Takeshi Kovacs. Continue reading “Damn you, Altered Carbon”

Rapture insurance

This is a scam of which I actually did think, but seem to lack the lack of moral fiber required to implement it (who knew?). It goes something like this:

When you are raptured (rupture?, hanged/hung?) and your vehicle becomes pilotless, that vehicle instantly becomes a hazard to everyone around it and virtually guaranteed to cause an accident. While the poor bastards your vehicle will certainly mow down are not saved, failing to take financial responsibility for the injuries and damage caused by your unguided property is hardly the Christian thing to do.

Being a responsible citizen, I know you carry a reasonable and legal amount of automobile insurance. Unfortunately, your regular insurance will not cover these damages as the Rapture is, by definition, an Act of God.

Therefore, we are offering “Rapture Insurance” to provide generous compensation to those injured in body or property when you are taken up into the heavens in the middle of your commute at reasonable premiums based on the latest actuarial data.

*I take no responsibility for any scallywags that actually try to implement this scam. Unless they give me a cut.

Men of a certain age

The problem with men of a certain age is not that they have flaws. We all have flaws. The problem is that so many of them have the same flaw.

In related news, see the new “Rugbyologism”: meh-sogynist.

MythBusters

Essentially.