Via The New York Times, a new Gallup survey suggests that alcohol consumption and financial success are positively correlated.
In accordance with the standards for inferring causation that seem to prevail in my scientific field (genomics and systems biology), I’m going to conclude that the secret to financial success is to drink more.
If I was fresh off defending my buddy (Jeffrey Epstein) who is an accused and (partially) admitted consumer of underage prostitution, as well as the entitlement of powerful men to treat young women as human accessories without criticism, my upcoming interviews would vanish into thin air, because I would now be widely known as “icky”.
But, I’m a scientist at the start of their career, not Lawrence Krauss; and my upcoming interviews are with high school chemistry classes not Science Friday.
I occasionally dream of artists covering songs that have not yet happened – like Scott Weiland on “Rocket Man”. What I did not realize before was how much I wanted, nay, needed a folk version of “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” theme song:
Job: Scientist
Description:
Daddy: What does Daddy do at work?
Daughter: Solves the Mysteries of the Universe.
Apparently I am now a “droid you are looking for”*. Due to some combination of my rugged good looks**, insightful commentary, sparkling wit, and unerring nose for “the cool”***, the good folks at The Paltry Sapien have asked me to contribute to their site, which I shall be doing from time to time, starting today.
*As opposed to a “droid for which you are looking”. Hey, at least we know the editorial oversight won’t be too intense.
**At least one of my sisters has now wet herself laughing.
***Wait, now that is both of them.
The Finch and Pea 